and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You have to summon your inner elephant
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
