My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
