found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
