3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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