i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
