he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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