I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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