i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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