yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
