Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
