totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
