if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
