Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
