i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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