how hairy? two words: wookie tits
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the liver wants what the liver wants
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
