using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
