We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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