The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
