Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
