My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my phone needs a breathalizer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
