Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
