we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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