I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
MIDGETS
????
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
