i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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