shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
