Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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