he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
