They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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