im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
