Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
