all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
