how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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