I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
