In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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