I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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