i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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