hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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