We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
