Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have so much sex to catch up on
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
