If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
