The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
