I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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