Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize