She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
