Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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