So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
