This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
