guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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