There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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