There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
