people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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