I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
