so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
