two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
