i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I enjoy the company of your penis
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize