You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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