I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize