I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
