i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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