he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
