So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
