i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
