He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
