So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
