Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
