my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize