Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
