I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your penis caused this!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
