If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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