I'm eating all of the evidence.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
