Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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