You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
whose parrot is this?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
