White coat. Heels.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
