I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
