I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
