addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
