After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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