a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
