sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
